What are we teaching our children by allowing abuse to continue?
This one may sting a bit, and if it does, you most likely need to make a change in your life!
I want you to step back and think: "If your daughter/son was in your relationship, like (s)he was you- would you like it? Would you support it? Or would you do anything to get them out of it?"
Think about it, sleep on it, and if you come back with- I would get them out.
It is time for you to plan your escape.
What are we showing them by staying with a partner who hits us? Because its just a matter of time before they lay their hands on them. What example are we setting for them if the partner constantly yells at you or them? How do we teach them independence if we are not equal partners when it comes to shopping and handling the finances?
What are we teaching our daughters? We are showing our girls, that its okay for men to hit us. Our gender roles are not the same when it comes to basic human respect. We are equal when it comes to running a home. This applies for our stay at home mothers- you should be able to purchase things without having to ask for approval. It is normal for a for a spouse to help clean, cook, and do laundry.
A healthy family, should lift the other person up. A true partner should jump in where they are needed. If mom is caring for a sick child, the spouse should cook dinner that night- out of love. You see your spouse exhausted with their hands full, the thought should be: "I know (s)he is exhausted, let me take this off them." It should never be, "well you have been home all day, with a sick kid, it is not that hard to cook dinner." If you do not have that partnership, that support, let's talk about the exit plan!
What are we teaching our sons? What do we teach them when the dad is constantly yelling and demeans their mom? That it is okay for men to speak to women that way? Because we are lesser than? Mom has to have a budget when grocery shopping, and dad does all the bill pay? It teaches them that woman can't control and budget money, when the reality is, some of us women are better at it. If their father places hands on you, it is teaching your sons, that it is okay to beat their partner when they get older. If you pray at night: "please don't let my son grow up like him." It is time to put a date on the calendar to leave.
Our we teaching our children learned helplessness by staying? Yes, we are!
Learned Helplessness is when a person (or animal) is constantly faced with trauma and/or a negative home environment, in an uncontrollable situation, they STOP TRYING to change the environment around them. It gives your children the perception that they cant control or change their situation, so they accept it and no longer do anything to change it. You are raising them to be quitters and that will role over to all aspects of their lives.
You have to realize that even if things are 'behind' closed doors, they can still hear, they can sense your fear. They will never get to see you truly happy... they will never see the best version of you! They pick up on things- far more than you could ever imagine.
Do they deserve to grow up in a home, where they worry about the safety of their parent? Absolutely not! For their mental and physical health, it is time to put together a plan to get you and your children out before it is too late.
I will write a detail blog about how to hide money, how to create go-bags, and so much more- to plan for the exit you need.
XO Stephanie
