Violence on Women is Increasing- Here is How to Fight Back!
Every single day we see a news report on a woman being attacked or murdered. The newest one is the mom in Tennessee Eliza Fletcher. This one is hitting me hard, because like Marissa, she is a boy mom. A woman, who devoted her life to teaching other peoples children. Who had a passion for being healthy and working out. Who would think that a morning run would lead her being abducted?
This is the world we live in right now. One that desperately needs to change, but until that change comes (we are working on it) women, it’s time to fight back! This article is about how far you will go to protect yourself, different ways to do so, and most importantly checking into the fighter mindset.
The first thing we need to talk about is how far will you go? It is easy to say: “I will fight till death!’ But you will find some, who just can’t take a life no matter the circumstances. That is okay! Take time and sit down and really think, pray, meditate, or whatever you do. Ask yourself if you are put in a life-or-death situation, what will you do?
The goal is to never take a life, but we must get our attacker incapacitated enough, to make a run for it. This article will give you ways to do just that. I will also recommend for you to take some type of self-defense course and if you are in a state that allows you to carry a gun- get your license to do so! If you do not want to carry a gun, decide what type of weapon you would like to carry. You can carry a knife, taser, pepper spray (I like bear spray more)- you have options!
Now if you have a lot going on around you, save this article to read later, when you can focus.
I need you to start thinking like a fighter. Always scan around you when you are in public. Do not use headphones to listen to music, you need to be aware of footsteps coming fast towards you. Park in well-lit areas and close to stores that are open. You can get those steps in another way. Be mindful of where you are at all times. As you scan your surroundings, think about what you could grab for a weapon if you are attacked. I know this sounds dramatic, but you must think about things like this now. So, if you are put in a situation later, it becomes second nature.
Your mind is not the only thing that needs to be battle ready. If you are about to fight for your life, you must be all the way in. Your heart, body, soul, and mind have to be in sync- that you must fight, or you will die. If you are ambushed and attacked, I can tell you, that person has evil plans for you. You do not know what it is: robbed, beaten, raped, taking hostage so they can torture you then kill you. There is no good outcome. Never, ever let yourself be taken to a second location. The chances of survival dwindle dramatically.
So, what is worth fighting for? What is worth dying for? This is something you need to think about. If you are choosing to wear jewelry that is a family heirloom, would you give it to a robber, or would you fight? These decisions need to be made now. As much as it would break me to part ways with something so meaningful to me, that is not worth my life. I would take the object off and throw it away from me, to allow me a chance to run the opposite way. If they wanted my car, I would do the same, throw the keys and run. If they chase after you, then you know, in that moment you are the real object.
If an attacker touches me, I know in that moment, what they want is evil. Whether it is to rape me or take me somewhere to do much worse. That is when I will fight. I will do anything I have to do to protect myself. I will go crazy. I want you to realize that you will need to do the same. Scream, claw, punch, bite, kick turn into a rabbited animal. Show them, that they picked the wrong girl. That this one, will do anything to stay alive. There is a good chance, that they will flee, and try to choose an easier victim. The thing here, is you now have their DNA on you for the police to take and find that attacker. If they do not give in, then you know they are there to kill you. So, get crazier.
I will talk about different methods to fight a bit later, but let’s talk about being aware at all times. Start in your home. Most men who rape women watch them first. Learn their habits, there schedule, and plan when and how to rape you. A lot are done within the victim’s home. So, start by keeping your windows and doors always locked. Then go room by room and look at everything you could use for a weapon. If you are one who uses guns for protection, it may be in a safe, in another room and you may not have time to grab it. So let me expand on this with my personal thoughts. In my entry to my home, I have glass candle sticks that I would pick up and hit them with. I would use the broken glass to further cut them. I have a vintage window right above them, that is small enough and easy enough to pull it off the wall to break over them. If I take ten steps back, I am to my couch. I would throw pillows to slow them down. Let’s say I go in the direction of my back door. Which you should always go towards an exit. I would grab an iron cross that is standing on my tv stand to hit them with. Seven more steps and I am at my fireplace where I have more objects to grab and hit them with. Four steps and I am outside.
Because I am outside, does not mean the fight is over, but this is where I can scream louder for help. I know which neighbors are home when. I have a propane tank I could throw at them, I have a grill I could dump over to gain some distance. I have porch lights that are on a string. I can grab those and wrap it around their necks. You need to imagine every scenario. If you are in the shower, in the bedroom, the kitchen. What can you do and what can you use as a weapon? You would be surprised how much a broomstick hurts when hit them in the face, ribs, stomach. Grab that air fryer and hit them over the head. Lamps, extension cords, knock over a bookcase on them. Just about anything can be used. Now that you have ideas on what objects you can use. Always think about your exit. If you have to escape through a window, make sure you know which way you need to slide the lock, to unlock it quicker and jump through it. If you are in a second story, I would buy those fire escape ladders for each room. I want to point out here, that just because you are in a home, it doesn’t mean to be quiet. Neighbors can still hear you scream for help! So, use those pipes girl! Show them they picked the wrong girl.
Now, what if someone slides into your car with you? What if they try to force you in the car? This one can be tricky for many reasons. Just remember, a second location means a greater chance of you being killed. This is a life-or-death situation, so it is time to fight. Let’s go over ways if you are alone. Always keep your doors locked, but if the attacker slides in next to you while stopped, bail out and run in a zig-zag pattern if they have a gun. If you have a child in the car, is when this becomes something more. This is why I preach car seat safety and keeping them in them for as long as possible. This is where you really need to sit back and think, how far you will go. Will you drive recklessly? Will you cause a crash into a telephone pole to try and eject the attacker from the car or knock his weapon loose? Will you drive as directed? If they are asking you to go to your local bank or ATM, then this is where I would use words as my defense. I would talk about how much I love being a mother, how amazing children are, I would talk in a soothing manner and drive to the bank- not an ATM if they are open. Once you get the attacker away from your child, you have more options. If they get in the car and tell you to drive, and don’t ask what bank you use, then you know they are there to kill you. That is when you would need to see how extreme you would take it.
Now let’s talk about if someone is trying to push you into a car. That means a second location, and we don’t go to a second location. This is when being aware at all times means everything. You should by now, know, what is around you to use as a weapon. Garbage cans, garden décor, rocks, dirt, scream, bite, kick, punch- go all in and go nuts! Hang on to objects so they can’t get you in the car. Use your body to not allow them to close the door. Kick out the window, know where to kick. Pull the shoestring out of your shoe and wrap it around their neck as the try to drive off with you. Become a wild animal and don’t feel sorry for it.
You can be your own hero. Men have a physical advantage over us, but there are ways that we can truly hurt them to escape. To live.
You will need to get into shape for this. Know your strengths and your limitations. Find a fighting style you love and practice it daily. Learn your weapon.
The biggest thing I can say is trust your intuition. If it does not feel right, then it probably is not. Do not apologize for going crazy when you feel like you are in danger. Yell, that they are getting too close, repeat everything they are saying so others can hear what’s going on. Keep distance between you, they can’t touch you, if they aren’t in arms reach. Move and don’t stop moving until you are safe. Your body is your weapon.
Being in shape matters, you have more agility, more energy and flexibility. Discipline does not mean giving something up, be more mindful and watch your intake. Take vitamins, meal prep, whatever that will help you in this journey. Fall in love with your worth. You are worth living for, you matter, so get healthy just in case you are put in a life-or-death situation.
I want to add here, I am ‘chubby,’ this is not a get skinny girl type of thing. This is a get healthy so you can fight. I can fight with my belly and I am learning more and more each day!
Move. Run, scream, jab them in the eyeballs with your fingers. If they can’t see, they can’t chase you. Kick them on the sides of the kneecaps to dislocate them. Always keep your hands above your waistline to block punches. Guys prepare to be hit in the groin first, so don’t kick there right off the bat. They have learned all their lives different ways to protect them. So, kick out their knees, and as they bend over slam your knee in their face, then kick them in the balls. If they are down, then run like hell. When you hit and kick, think about hitting through them. Make them count. The key is to keep moving, hit different strike zones- quick and dirty! It does not matter if you know what you are doing or not, move and hit, and do not stop until you can safely flee.
When you are out and about make eye contact, make sure they know you see them. Give them that RBF and don’t be shy about it. This lets them know that you see them, you will be able to ID them. Decide what your physical space limit is. Is it two feet, four feet, how close are you comfortable with a stranger being beside you? If someone crosses it, be firm and let them know in a loud tone to back up. Stick to your boundaries and do not be afraid of what it looks like to others.
You have to understand and come to terms with the facts that you will look like a wild animal if your life is at stake. Who cares? If you allow an attacker to get you into a reactive state, game over. They will try to use pain, humiliation, confusion, fear, the element of surprise and extreme violence. The key is to realize right now, nothing else matters but living. Who cares what it looks like, how you do it, what you do to save your life. Just fight. Most rapist try to immediately get their victims naked, because its ‘embarrassing’ to fight with no clothes on. So right now, get over the fact that you may be butt naked fighting off your attacker.
You need to turn the roll around, take the control, force the attacker into a reactive state. Surprise them. If they grab your arm or wrist, poke them in the eye, punch their throat. If they grab both arms, kick the kneecaps in, kick their shin, then kick them in the balls. Always try to keep a fighting stance, one foot towards the back so you stay up right. Move in closer, this monster chose you, thinking you would be an easy target. Show them they were wrong. Pull their shirt over their head, land a kick into their stomach, get them on the ground. When you throw punches, you need about a one-foot distance between you two and remember punch past them- through them. Use vertical punches to hit the kidneys and ribs, throw something as a distraction and grab the collar of their shirt and knee them in the groin.
I want you in full on rage mode and do not check out of it until you are safe.
If you are knocked down, roll with it, literally. Tuck your chin to your chest, try to land on your side, try to roll out of it. Crab walk if you have to in order to gain that distance. If they have their body weight on you, wiggle, move those hips this lessens their grip and gets you more space. If they are sitting on you, bring your knees up and in a quick move, twist your body to one side with your arms in the same direction. This will throw your attacker off balance.
Do not focus on the body part that is trapped. If they have your arm pinned, forget about that arm, don’t worry about it. Use your free arm to punch through his midsection and put that hip into it girl. Punch him in the face, your arm will be freed.
How to land a solid punch. Start with your fist made but palm up towards the sky with your elbow bent. Pivot your hip as you start to throw that punch and extend your arm. At the very last moment, twist your hand down to give it more power and remember you are punching through them. Hit them with a hammer fist, where you use your entire arm across their body. Use a palm heel, almost like a high five to their face, but use your palm only and go in an upward motion and break their nose. Many believe the elbow is the strongest part on the body- so use it. Slide to the side and nail them in the kidney, the temples, or eyes.
Let’s talk about those legs girl! Think Legally Blonde here and land snap kicks. Where your knee us up and bent and jolts out and into their body fast- use the ball of your foot. Then we have side kicks, that I love to use on their knees. This is where you kick from the side, knee bent, and you extend your leg through. Trip them and sweep them off their feet. If they are on their knees, do a donkey kick, where you kick from a back position to knock them completely down.
Targets: eyes, groin, knees, throat, kidneys, ribs, bones, temple, carotid arteries, solar plexus, the nose.
No fight is over until one is on the ground unable to get up. Know this now!
If they have a gun, I need you to understand, most of these guys aren’t marksmen. An average is 4/100 times they can hit a target. So run, run fast, and in a zig-zag pattern. If they are right up on you with a gun, this is when you have to think back about what’s worth it? Do they want your property? Throw it away from you so they can run and grab it. If it is you, they want, you are now in that life or death situation and you need to fight like hell. If you are face to face with an attacker who has a weapon, run, if you can’t run, go fuckin crazy and fight like hell.
I am going to end this by saying you are worth the fight. Know and remember that. You may have to severally maim or kill a person to save yourself. Something to note, if you are the victim and you won the attack, prepare to be questioned by police, a few of them. You will need to tell your story a few times. This is not because you did anything wrong. This is normal protocol, and I can bet anything as soon as they step out of the door, they are thinking you are a badass.
So, start to think, start planning, start looking around for weapons, be aware of who is around you. Stare at them, be loud, do everything you can to save your life. Go fucking crazy girl and don’t feel sorry for it! Learn your weapon if you chose to carry one!
Fight back, just like Eliza did to her attacker! Give them hell!!
Please hold her family and friends in your prayers. God, allow her to come home to her family alive.
Nothing mentioned in this article pertains to her case and what she did to her attacker.
Updating this with the news that she is back with her family, but in Heaven. So in Liza's honor: 'you need to let your light shine today at home.' -Mrs. Fletcher